By Bob Bragar
On
June 26, 2013, I was given a new freedom
and
didn't know what do with it.
DOMA
abruptly died --
at
least the part of it that for decades
had
forced me to live abroad
choosing
the man I love in Amsterdam
over
the life I loved in New York.
After
years of struggling to bring DOMA down
while
at the same time not quite letting myself
miss
America
or
want too badly to go home
--
because I couldn’t, not with my Dutch husband --
I found it hard
to let the news sink in.
Minutes after the Supreme Court’s beautiful
words
declared gay people worthy of equal
protection,
text messages from New York
started cluttering my cell phone in
Amsterdam.
“Congratulations!“
“Now you can come home!”
and “Does this mean we will see more of you?”
The surges of celebration
just made me tired.
What would really change?
My life now is here, not there.
I answered churlishly
“It ain’t over yet” and
“The devil is in the details.”
Only one dear friend said, “You’re being
crazy. It’s really over.
Why aren’t you happy?”
J’accuse is much easier
than j’arrive.
At 61 I’m just too old. It’s come too late.
I’ve paid the price of second-class
citizenship.
No refunds are offered, just a coupon for
future discounts
on a garment that no longer fits.
I already paid the absurd inheritance tax
-- much more than Edie Windsor’s --
when my former partner died.
And for years now
my Dutch husband and I have suffered
the indignities of snide immigration officials
at Kennedy Airport
who implicitly questioned our right
to visit my country.
Two decades ago when I met the Dutch man
who would become my husband
Holland welcomed us; America did not.
I’ve created a new life,
learned a new language,
found a new career in a friendly refuge.
Altruism was never really my motive.
I’m not so fine.
For me the political battle to end DOMA
was a personal one;
I was fighting for my own rights
and self-respect
as a gay American with a non-American
partner.
Nonetheless, we now enjoy the triumph
of full-fledged citizenship.
There are fights still to be fought
but the Supreme Court has given us a valuable
tool.
The lasting fruits of this victory, of
course,
are for younger generations than ours.
For them, DOMA is dead and buried,
and the doors of opportunity
have been flung wide open.